It's been a pretty crazy two (or has it been three?) weeks.  Long story short, Doug is here.  Life seems better for me with him.  I don't feel the loneliness and emptiness I felt before.  I still have strong heart twangs when I see a newborn infant with a mother, or worse with a grandmother.  Although Ella has not yet arrived, I am already grieving the absence of the holding and hugging and cuddling moments I am never going to experience with her as an infant. Those are the memories I hold so dearly in my heart from raising my own children.  The milky fresh powder scent of a freshly bathed baby.  The warm soft weight of a contented infant asleep on my shoulder snuggled against my neck as we gently rock back and forth in my favorite chair.

I miss my horses, especially now.  This is my favorite time of the year to ride.  I miss the changing of the leaves and trailrides through the woods.  A few nights ago, I took Doug to a furniture store at the mall.  I had to show him the lamp.  This is not just any lamp.  I wish I had the luxury of just being able to purchase this lamp just to have it. This lamp is a plastic mold of a full size horse, head, legs, barrel, rump, tail and all.  To literally top it off, the horse has a lamp on top of its head, right between the ears, it sticks up and has a lampshade.  I can stand beside this horse and feel like I am standing next to a real horse.  I'm missing the entire tactile experience, of course, but it's about as close as I'm going to get to the real thing for awhile. 
I just tried to upload a photo of it.  I failed.  But, I promise I will try again later, I will prevail.

I also have a photo of three camels riding in the back of a truck in downtown Abu Dhabi.  Now, that is something I've got to see before I leave this country.  I want to know how in the heck they get the camels in the back of the pickup, and how they get them to  lie down, and how they get them to stay in.  It's pretty amazing to me! Those camel guys already have my respect as I think about all of the horse trailer loading episodes I've gone through!  I promise I will load that photo also.

This blog entry is short and sweet.  I have much more to say, but right this moment, the pool is beckoning.  More later. I promise.